- What do I need to do to be accepted?
- What do I need to do to meet the expectations of others?
- What do I need to do to win?
- I don’t know what I need to do next?
When your answers to these questions begin with –
- I have to …
- I should …
- I am expected to …
- I need to …
- I am supposed to …
The answers reveal an extrinsic motivation mindset. The reason you do what you do and think the way you think is because you want to meet the approval of someone else.
Are you doing this because of peer pressure? Is it what is expected by your family and friends? Are you going along with what others believe and value?
If you value approval; seek the praise and accolades of others; put on a mask to be accepted; conform to what others are doing and think is important; if you feel a sense of pride when you accomplish what others expect, you are extrinsically motivated.
On the other hand, you are intrinsically motivated when you value yourself just the way you are; you don’t depend on or seek the approval of others. Their opinion about you doesn’t matter, your self-respect and esteem make you more real and authentic; you are driven by your core convictions not what society says is “cool” or correct. Instead of feeling proud of your accomplishments, you feel humbly grateful for the gifts and blessings in your life.
Are you living a life that you expect of yourself, based on what you believe and value? Are you listening to that little voice inside? Are you critically thinking through the big questions of your life? Or are you more like a pollster and canvass the opinion of others then choose from what others are saying you should do?
If you are, you don’t need quality questions in your life. You only need one question and that question is … What do others think I should do? Or some variance of this basic question. This question doesn’t require critical thinking; it doesn’t require knowing what your core convictions are; It doesn’t require values clarification or considering what you truly believe. All you have to do is go ask all your friends and family, they will tell you what you should do.
The question you need to resolve is: Is conforming to the will of others living a quality life?
What are the questions rattling around in your mind? Do you even think about them? When others tell you what you “should” do, how does that make you feel?
Are you firmly standing with your core convictions?
- What are you thinking?
- What are you believing?
- What are you choosing?
True success, joy, self-fulfillment, and gratification come from within you. It is measured by you, not by others.
Quality question #1 –
What would need to exist for you to be more driven by your personally held core beliefs and values instead of conforming to the wishes of others?
It is now your turn to design the next question – What is quality question #2?