The Perpetual Victim

Some of the most responsible people have the least amount of personal responsibility.

The person who takes personal responsibility is being a person of character; contrarily, being a habitual blamer and excuse-maker is a debilitating character flaw.

  • What are you choosing?
  • Are you known as a person who blames and makes excuses?
  • Or are you known as a person who takes personal responsibility?

There is a level of blaming and excuse-making that is so deeply ingrained in the mindset of an individual that it is nearly impossible to change. It becomes so chronically expressed that it permeates a person’s mindset, personality, and social expression. This is the perpetual victim. Perpetual victims seem to be doomed to live a life of victimhood, and it is almost impossible to see it ever changing. For many victims, victimhood is a life sentence. Perpetual victims will lament their victimization for a lifetime, unless they transcend their victimhood mindsets by forgiving and finding meaning in their pain and suffering.

There are two aspects of victimization that are easily confused. Being victimized is one, and the second being the victim’s response. It becomes important to dissect the two aspects of victimization if one is ever to make sense of it and cope with the fallout of the horrific experience in his/her personal history. Being a victim of a crime, of a drunk driver, of a sexual assault, of a rape, or bullying is never excusable and can never be taken lightly. The emotional scars can be debilitating. Bad things happen, such as being born with a health affliction, contracting a disabling disease, or losing a limb. Being falsely accused by law enforcement can result in being treated unfairly. People do unthinkable harm to others, sometimes unwittingly and sometimes intentionally. What happens in life is not fair: the situations and circumstances may be different; still the burden is the same. We each experience pain and suffering in some way. No one keeps a scorecard that gives points to the level of pain and suffering each one of us has gone through or will go through.

Which is worth more points on the pain and suffering scale?

  • Being paralyzed in a car accident.
  • Being crippled by juvenile rheumatoid arthritis.
  • Being a victim of prejudices in the workplace or by law enforcement.
  • Losing your hands in an accident.
  • Being raped or sexually abused.
  • Losing your mother when you were a child.
  • Being raised in poverty.
  • Being divorced.
  • Having an addiction.
  • Being treated unfairly because of your ethnicity.
  • Being responsible for the injury or death of another person.

Being a victim is real, and few of us will go through life unscathed. We will all experience pain and suffering in some way.

The BIG question is — How are you responding to being victimized? Is it holding you in bondage? Does your perpetrator still have a hold on you? What would need to exist for your response to change?